There are No Jews in Montclair, NJ
It’s a well documented fact that Jews live with Jews. The 5 Towns, Teaneck, Englewood, Skokie, etc. Anyway, point made. This makes living anywhere else a real shlep.
My wife and I live in Montclair, NJ – and the overwhelming response we get from (at least Orthodox) Jews is “Montclair? Where is that?!” – when we explain that it’s right next to Clifton, Passaic, and West Orange, they heave a sigh and normally say something like “Oh, we know where THOSE places are.” And before you can slip into a comfortable topic like the weather – the follow-up question is, without fail, “WHY?!
Well, folks – here’s my answer:
Montclair, New Jersey is really nice. It’s got clean streets, cute shops, nice cafes and nice people all around. Naturally, there are no Jews. Why, oh why do we Jews insist on living in messy, slightly-tilted, non-gentrified areas? Far Rockaway, Staten Island, Passaic (yes, Passaic), some parts of Teaneck.
At first I thought it was because of price and affordability, which would be completely and totally acceptable. However, after moving to Montclair, and paying a really decent rent in a neighborhood with close to zero crime, no vagrancy, paved streets, and reasonable apartment rentals, I decided that it’s a self-inflicted choice on their part. You have the choice – you can live in a nice town with no crack addicts and polished roads, and you choose to live on the other side of the tracks. Or am I just pissed because there are no Jews in my area, and I wish I could have my cholent and eat it too?
