JewNewsNet

In honor of Rosh Hashana – I figured I’d answer the age-old question: Why 5770 and not 2009? Last year it was the same just with 5769 and 2008 etc. It changes every year – but the point is, there is a reason. Several, actually:

Some very clever Jews some 5770 or 2009 years ago decided it would be a good idea to place our calendar year some 3760 years ahead of the Gregorian calendar. The reasons for this are unclear, but there could be a few explanations for this interesting discrepancy:

The Rapture Extravaganza! (don’t forget chips & dip)

According to Rapture2009.org, the world RAPTURE does not appear anywhere in the bible. This couldn’t possibly mean it is a fabricated. It must mean it’s hidden somewhere else! And I quote:

The word “RAPTURE” has been said not to appear in the Bible. Is it possible that it has been concealed or hidden (ENCODED) within the scriptures themselves.  Four matrices  have been located in the Old Testament linking the key word “RAPTURE” with the Hebrew years of 5770 (2009-2010), 5771 (2010-2011), and 5775 (2015-2016).

Most Plausible: Jewish People Are Robots from the Future

Jewish people are robots from the future, and so since we’re stuck in 2009, we need to superficially advance ourselves by making the number of our calendar year way, way ahead. We are super advanced! That’s why hassids walk so fast. That’s why Jews get married at 18 (16 if it’s against our will.)

These are known to exist! Check out their appearance on Conan!

In this skit, Conan was celebrating his 13th year on air. He considered it his bar-mitzvah episode. So in order to make it kosher, he summoned a minyon of Jewish characters, including the rabbinical robot, Cyberg, played by Threebrain. I suppose it was funny because, well, any time you mix something Jewish with pop culture, it’s sure to be a hit, and rein in those wayward Jews.

We Jews are Hassidic Ninjas sent from Outer Space

After much deliberation, I’ve found that this is probably the most absurd. I argued a strong case, though.

From: www.Whatthetrend.com

Gilad Shalit is an Israeli soldier who has been held captive by Hamas for over three years now. He was kidnapped at the age of 19, and is about to turn 23. The Tweet 4 Shalit campaign was initiated to raise awareness about Shalit on the occasion of his birthday.

From Wikipedia:

Gilad Shalit (Hebrew: גלעד שליט‎, born 28 August 1986) is an Israeli soldier who was captured^{[2] [3]} on 25 June 2006 by Palestinian militants in a cross border raid from the Gaza Strip on the Kerem Shalom crossing (in Israel) and has been held hostage by Hamas since. Shalit is believed to be alive.^{[4][5][6][7][8][9]} Shalit, a soldier of the IDF’s Armor Corps, held the rank of corporal at the time of the incident but has since been promoted to staff sergeant.^[1]

He became the first Israeli soldier captured^[10] by militant Palestinian forces since Nachshon Wachsman in 1994.^[11] His abduction^[12] and the following cross border raid by Hezbollah, resulting in the abduction of Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev into Lebanon, occurred prior to the conflicts in Gaza and Lebanon during summer 2006. Shalit holds French citizenship, a fact that encouraged France and the European Union to be involved to some extent in the efforts to release him.^[13] Recently, he also received Italian citizenship.^[14] Hamas has barred the International Red Cross from seeing him, and has demanded the release of 450 Palestinian prisoners.^[15][16][17]

#GiladShalit is officially trending on Twitter!

We did it, but the fight is not yet over – we need to keep #GiladShalit trending. We’ve seen what awareness this can bring. #IranElection raised Twitter to a whole new political action level – and now it’s Gilad’s turn!

The bus itself is not news to anyone who’s lived in Jerusalem for more than a week. This is not news, but it ALWAYS gets my blood boiling.

You see, I used to work nights at a call center in Jerusalem. I would come in at 11pm every night, and leave around 7am every morning. On the way back to Nachlaot from Har Hotzvim, I would take an Egged bus that would drive through the Hassidic neighborhoods of Jerusalem. These buses were always split down the middle. Men sat in the front, and women in the back.

The concept of a split bus is strange enough as it is. And as a Jerusalemite – you sort of get used to the fact that the buses are going to be segregated. However, the ride home from work every day at 7:30 am really amplified the absurdity of it. And this is why:

In the afternoon, Hassidic men are in synagogue or at work. They are not on buses, on the streets, or in cars. The women have already sent their kinderlach to school, and so they go shopping for fruit, vegetable, groggers, and other things that can be found in a Hassidic household.

The resulting phenomenon is a bus that looks exactly like the one the above picture.

However, in the morning, which is when I got on the bus – the opposite happened! The women are dressing Yoily and Shmoily for school, and feeding them cholent for breakfast, and the men are out getting to synagogue.

The resulting effect was ridiculous! I had to step onto the bus into a whiff of the putrid sweaty armpit of a man who was holding on to the railing. Squeezing past him – I managed to get to the bus driver and pay my fare. But when I looked up, the impossible occurred to me! The entire front of the bus was packed with Hassidic men. They were squeezing and battling for a place to put their two feet.

In the back sat one woman. One. This is not any better, or less insulting than the first scenario.

If Hassidim are to pretend that they are keeping themselves pure and holy by not mixing with women on buses, wouldn’t you think that they would take the women’s feelings into consideration? Wouldn’t they want to perhaps give them the respect the women deserve? Because it’s not Yoily and Shmoily they’re dressing in the morning. It’s Yoily, Shmoily, Shmeltza, Malka Dina, Brucha Gittel, Meir Mendel, Shmuel Shneur, and of course, little Chava Beila.

And that’s a small family.

The poor woman in the back is dressing, feeding, teaching, playing with, and changing the diapers of eight to twelve children. And yet the men wouldn’t dare go near her in order to sit 4 seats in front of her. There’s nothing sexual about sitting five feet away from person – not facing them. There isn’t even a sexual tension that can arise from that. And if there is – see a therapist. Oh, wait – they like to keep things “inside the community”.

In the meantime, all that’s left is to riot, I guess. Ain’t that right, Bochurim?

A Jewish write-up in Mashable! Great stuff!

I am a huge Mashable fan. HUGE. And today I had the pleasure of seeing a friend featured on there! @TheKotel has been written up on by Mashable!

TheKotel is a service that allows you to tweet your prayers to @TheKotel and have your tweets placed in the Western Wall! It’s a fantastic service, and I’ve seen anything from “I hope I get the job I’m interviewing for” to “Please grant us world peace” written to the service.

As a former Jerusalemite, I can attest to the fact that having my prayer placed in the Western Wall is not just a way to get my word through to the almighty – but a way for my presence and wishes to walk through Jaffa Gate, down the Jerusalem stone-paved narrow corridors of The Old City, and out to the square where the cafes and Yeshiva kids play.

Down another long corridor and down the steep stairs that lead to a metal detector.

Through the metal detectors and into the wide-open plaza in front of the Kotel.

Into the mens section and up to the ancient wall.

My note placed in a crack in between two large stones that I’ve definitely leaned on and wept over before.

Beautiful.

here’s a real winner:

This guy thinks it wise to advise that the religious communities keep their laws within themselves and not go to municipal court.

In a brilliant move – Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn of Daas Torah Blog has made it his life’s mission to make sure ‘Jewish Identity’, as he calls it. However, the Jewish Identity he speaks of does not consist of keeping Shabbat or Kosher. The Jewish Identity Rabbi Eidensohn advocates is the ‘let’s keep it to ourselves’ policy.

Remember just about … oh, I think it was 2 weeks ago – so it would be in our distant memories. But think back to a time when riots in Me’ah She’arim were making headlines. A woman starved her child. She was taken to court. This is all standard procedure. However, instead of cowering in shame, the haredi community broke out in outrage over the municipal court taking ‘one of theirs’ to trial. This is what happens when you ‘keep it within your own community’. You end up setting your own garbage cans on fire, rioting without reason, and starving little children.

So, Rabbi Eidensohn, the next time you utter the term ‘Jewish Identity’ in terms of keeping dirty secrets within the community (lest they leak), remember that YOUR definition of ‘Jewish Identity’ includes the starving child feeling like they deserve it. The bottom line is – these thigns need to be brought to justice. Because G-d knows the Me’ah She’arim court might actually consider discussing whether or not the child deserved it!

Disgusting.

Rabbi Eidensohn - "Don't ask, don't tell" advocate.