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I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, while two of my co-workers were discussing something about Judaism. I joined in and by mistake was off by one day in some offbeat Jewish tradition. I was automatically corrected by my Israeli co-worker. I admitted my mistake, and she said “And he’s the DOS!” To which I replied “I may have been wrong – but there’s no need to call me an outdated Operating System.”

But after I cooled down from this terrible insult, I understood what my co-worker was trying to say. There are different sects in Judaism:

DOS – The black-hat wearing OS, not so up-to-date, and rarely called upon for modern-day problem solving. Nevertheless, it holds dear its ancient traditions, and games – namely: Reader Rabbit and Oregon Trail. They mostly talk in Wingdings.

PC – Has a knitted yarmulke, usually wears big square glasses – but un-ironically, and has made aliyah so in order to be a mega-cool freedom warrior against the dark force of Dragons and Demons otherwise known as Palestinians. “The Force will prevail! But until then, I’ve got to debug my database before the virus reaches the mainframe.

PC

Mac – Probably lives in Williamsburgh, is vegan, has scruff, and reads Nietzsche. Is either a graphic designer or a graffiti-artist-turned-quasi-philosopher-poet.

In short – we’re really screwed – at least until the Google Chrome OS Jew comes out:

Since the time I can remember – I’ve been surrounded by settlers. I grew up in the luxurious comfort of Jerusalem’s Old Katamon – with the ‘convenient Zionists’, but there were always “our friends in Gush ____”, or our cousins in “Ma’ale ______.” Growing up, I always thought of these brave men and women with great reverence and admiration. What martyrs they were, to give up their life of luxury and move to a mountain-top, live in a caravan, and ward off those pesky Palestinians who clearly have no right to any land anywhere. However, lately I’ve realized that these were not the poor victims I’ve come to think of them as. In fact, many have left a life of comfort to sit on that mountain-top.

Fine, I could understand feeling strongly about something enough to leave the life you’ve always known for it. I even understand sit-ins (which these settlers are, for all intents and purposes, but on a larger scale). I even believe that the land is rightfully ours. “So what’s this left-winged dimwit’s problem, anyway?” is what you may be asking yourself by now.

My only issue with settlers is their inability to cope with a reality that is greater than the horizon around their mountain-top. As people who feel that they have had their land taken away from them – I would expect them to understand the feelings of certain individuals. Namely, others who feel as if they have had their land taken away from them. No matter which side is right – the complete refusal of one side to admit that the other side might really believe what they are saying – and are not trying to trick the entire world – is not something I will ever understand.

I am a Zionist – and I believe in a Jewish State. But what I also believe is that the only reason our State exists is because of the rules of international relations. In order for these rules to continue to exist – diplomacy must take place. And unfortunately – after looking “diplomacy” up in the dictionary, I saw lots of hand-shaking, and very few rifles. Remember – the other side’s violence does not justify our own violence.

On a lighter note – this guy is just crazy:

A settler crying in a synagogue in Tapuach