I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, while two of my co-workers were discussing something about Judaism. I joined in and by mistake was off by one day in some offbeat Jewish tradition. I was automatically corrected by my Israeli co-worker. I admitted my mistake, and she said “And he’s the DOS!” To which I replied “I may have been wrong – but there’s no need to call me an outdated Operating System.”

But after I cooled down from this terrible insult, I understood what my co-worker was trying to say. There are different sects in Judaism:

DOS – The black-hat wearing OS, not so up-to-date, and rarely called upon for modern-day problem solving. Nevertheless, it holds dear its ancient traditions, and games – namely: Reader Rabbit and Oregon Trail. They mostly talk in Wingdings.

PC – Has a knitted yarmulke, usually wears big square glasses – but un-ironically, and has made aliyah so in order to be a mega-cool freedom warrior against the dark force of Dragons and Demons otherwise known as Palestinians. “The Force will prevail! But until then, I’ve got to debug my database before the virus reaches the mainframe.

PC

Mac – Probably lives in Williamsburgh, is vegan, has scruff, and reads Nietzsche. Is either a graphic designer or a graffiti-artist-turned-quasi-philosopher-poet.

In short – we’re really screwed – at least until the Google Chrome OS Jew comes out: